How to Lie

Maybe I'm just a little morally challenged, but I did learn one thing while working in politics -- how to lie. I know that may not sound like something important but if you look at just some of the headlines from this week's news you can see quite clearly how few people know how to lie. So, I thought that I'd write this down to help out those politicians and others out there who often feel compelled to lie but just don't know how to do it properly.The rules are simple. I will outline them and offer examples of good lies and bad lies so that you can learn the difference. Rule number one: keep the lie simple. It seems obvious, but surprisingly people are always inventing elaborate tales, tales that always seem to evolve with each subsequent telling. Start changing your story and your credibility will fall faster than the Dow when credit markets are tight. Here's an example: Attorney General Alberto Gonzales’ ever evolving story regarding the firings of several US district attorneys. The story keeps changing about what he knew and when he knew it. Had the Administration fired all the attorneys at the end of the first term and rehired only the ones they wanted to keep they would have been avoided any political entanglements. This was too easy a solution for the policy masters in the Bush White House...instead they had to go about it the hard way. However, they shouldn't have lied. Politicians hold sway over federal political appointees and may fire them on a political whim. This is what should have been said, even if it were wrong, admitting you made a mistake and asking for forgiveness certainly would have been simpler than the tack the Administration has taken. So, rule one again, keep it simple that way your lie is told the same way every time without having to worry about getting all the details right.Rule Two: Don't tell a lie when someone else already knows the truth. Again, a no-brainer, but we constantly see politicians ignoring this rule. Take the case of the righteous New York governor Eliot Spitzer, currently involved in a political fight with Joseph Bruno. Mr. Spitzer maintains that he had no knowledge that close political advisors where using state resources to smear Mr. Bruno. Gov. Spitzer may be telling the truth, but no one believes him. How can it be that a zealous prosecutor would surround himself with high-level staffers who knowingly skirt the law? To date no one has admitted that the Spitzer did know what was happening, but this does not seem likely to last. I hope I'm wrong but it appears that Gov. Spitzer should have stuck to Rule #2 and issued a mea culpa.Rule Three: The more outrageous the lie the more likely people are to believe it. Take for example the last time you called in sick to work. No one ever believes you when you call out on what happens to be the nicest Friday of the summer, or the night after you went to that concert. Though those lies may follow rules one and two they fail under rule three. A former colleague told the best example of a lie following Rule #3. She claimed to have cancer, kidney failure, and a daughter and granddaughter who were murdered. The individual took off (with pay) roughly 30% of the year to deal with her multitude of issues. And, given the gravity of the problems no one dared think these things could be false. She pushed the kidney failure to transplant surgery, and requested an additional three months and this brought about her downfall. Her continued lies lead to an investigation that eventually brought about her extremely quite termination. Going too far on rule three can cause you to violate rule one.That's it, three simple rules. Go back and look at all the past political lies that have been uncovered -- Watergate, Iran-Contra, Monica Lewinsky, all failed one or more of these rules. And maybe the most important lesson to learn is this -- don't lie. That's what we should do. Tell the truth; lying is just too hard even with simple rules to follow. Everyone realizes mistakes are made, and the voting populace expects even more mistakes from politicians than they do of others. What they do not seem to abide is when the lying starts. Aren't we all taught as children that we will be forgiven our transgressions if only we confess and ask for forgiveness? What is true for children and is also true for politicians.A final example -- Sen. Joseph Biden was once accused of plagiary years ago. He admitted his mistake, asked for forgiveness and moved on. He was even able to make light of it in a speech given soon afterwards, allowing the public to seen a more human side of his political persona. Shortcomings, when admitted, make politicians more likable and increase their voter appeal. Hopefully everyone will learn something from this, but experience tells me they won't.